Dawn of the Red filler
by zopponde
Summary: This is to pass time in the story and to hopefully keep my readers just a little more entertained while I'm busy throughout November.  I'll post a chapter every Friday in November, mayhaps things will wind up such that I post on the first of December to.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n:** Sorry, not quite the real next one, just some little one-shot stuff to entertain the world maybe once a week or so while I'm otherwise nonresponsive through November. (I feel quite certain that at least one person will see that I posted something that started with Dawn of the Red and assumed that the whole silent-until-December thing was a lie, and you didn't read the description because you were so excited (sorry to compare you to myself in a slightly less wise way), and I know that SOMEONE will need to read this before realizing that I'm not actually giving up on NaNo _quite_ yet and I'm not posting the last in the series...yet)

Fillerfillerfillerfillerplotlessfillerfillerfillerfillerpointlessfillerfillerfillerfillerwrittentopasstimefillerfillerfillerfilleryeahlikethatfillerfillerfillerfiller.

**Spot on timeline:** five months after DRF II

**Disclaimer:** If you're reading this story, you should know who belongs to me and who doesn't. I would be more interesting with this disclaimer were it not for time constraints.

-x-

Pein was bored. Again. That kind of emotion tended to rear its incredibly dull head when one was left to sit in bed and…sit in bed…with occasional help from one's spouse when one needed to use the restroom, because one needs help walking because one has four out of four limbs broken. Pein would probably be perfectly fine, seeing as he was a rather talented ninja who would normally be treated by a team of beautiful medically trained ninjas, but he was a criminal and he spent half his bored time wishing he'd recruited a medical ninja into Akatsuki. He made a mental note that maybe someday he'd send one of his children into some village or another to be trained as medical ninjas.

At least Sasori had _some_ idea of how the human body worked. Hidan might label this knowledge as perversion, and indeed Sasori did seem to have those tendencies, but at least it also meant that there was _someone_ who knew how to mend bones…if only in the slow, annoying shove-your-limb-in-a-cast-and-wait-around-for-six-months method.

Pein was bored. Again.

A knock on the door sent relief shooting through him like a robin shooting through a window. Pein answered in an uncharacteristically musical voice, "Come in!"

The door opened, and in stepped Ren. Pein's robin of relief just realized that the window was closed. _Wham_.

"Ojii-sama," Ren started monotonously. "Your children are bored and demand attention."

Pein groaned. "Why didn't they come up here themselves?"

"I have a clone making excuses," Ren answered. "_I_ came to you because they're currently demanding the use of my knowledge and the education in the art of the doppelganger."

Pein sighed. "Yes, of course," he muttered. "Still determined to learn all that…" If the casts on his arms hadn't been so restraining, Pein would be rubbing his temples right now. "Just…" He wondered what he could have them do. "Have them pull weeds or something. Tell them they'll need to build endurance and patience before they can start learning that."

Ren nodded and left the room.

Being incredibly bored and slightly tired from his children, even if he didn't have to deal with them personally, Pein yawned and managed to fall asleep.

He didn't know how much time passed between then and when he next woke, but he was quite certain that it had everything to do with the irritated scream from somewhere indirectly below him. "Otou-chaaaaan!"

Pein recognized Tobi's voice calling back, "Ren-chan, what's wrong?"

Pein really wished he could go to the window. Thankfully, Kai had foreseen his wanting window views and set up a few mirrors to show him the scene below:

Tobi bolted out the door as Shikai fell over laughing and Haruka seemed torn between laughter and moral. Ren, meanwhile, stood, shivering with rage, her face almost as red as the tomatoes that Shikai evidently plastered her with.

Pein smiled to himself. His children would grow up to be fine shinobi.

-x-


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n:** It bothers me slightly how often I started to write "her" when I meant to say "him," always in reference to Pein…:gasp!: Maybe Pein-otousama is a gi--  
never mind. Then this would be _yuri_ fluff instead of just fluff. (not that I have any problems with yuri, but yuri is not what this story is centered around.)

This is going to run a whole lot better-ish-ly if you wait for next chapter to read it (I kind of designed it to be more of a break than a chapter end). But I don't trust anyone to be patient enough to wait until next week. I'll mention it on the next one and if it interests you, go ahead.

OMG RESEARCH! D: I hate relying on Wikipedia (after all, didn't they say Kai/Konan's name was Pein? And the whole dependant-on-wikipedia thing) but I couldn't find anyone else listing all the ring stuff...

Dedicated to...um...I totally forgot who it was. But someone at some point reviewed saying something about ...I don't remember. Except that they made a reference to Kai being Pein's wife. Which...yeah. :totally gave away plot to anyone who actually reads the A/n:

In case anyone's interested...NaNoWriMo is going incredibly well (obviously--otherwise I wouldn't have time to change anything on this). Yesterday, I was a day ahead, so I wound up getting bored and succumbed to start writing the third in this series. No, I'm not posting it until December--I said I'd post it in December, so I'm going to. Furthermore, if I started posting it, then I'd start writing it more continuously, and I'd stop writing NaNo and thus FAIL.

**Time:** one year after DRF II

**Disclaimer:** If you are reading this, you will likely recognize who is mine and who is Masashi Kishimoto's. If you do not, then you should go read my other stories and maybe you'll get it.

-x-

Kai raised her eyebrows at Pein, wondering what brainstorm was raging behind his spiral-patterned eyes. Not that she didn't like it when his brow furrowed just slightly with thought, or how his eyes clouded the thoughts in his ever-ticking mind, but she really wasn't sure she liked him looking at her like that. Because Pein didn't look at people like that unless he was plotting something for them, and rarely was it something expected, much less good.

Pein noticed her eyebrows rising and smiled distantly back, asking, "Sweetheart, maybe today would be a good day to take off."

'_A day off?_' Kai wondered. '_He's definitely plotting _something_. The question is, what?_' She pondered this for a moment, figured, '_One way to find out_,' and answered, "I'd love to follow you anywhere."

"Excellent," Pein answered, standing from the table. All eyes turned to him, and he responded with an innocent gaze. "What, you mean I can't dismiss myself? I _am_ the king…leader…person…thing…" He cleared his throat and held his hand out for Kai to take.

Kai took his hand and he pulled her up, the chair scooting back as her motion pushed it.

As soon as she was standing, Pein walked quite briskly, directly to the door, Kai picking the pace awkwardly and catching up after a few moments. As soon as they were out of the door, Pein pulled her forward and into his arms, swinging an arm under her knees to hold her horizontally, before breaking into a sprint, but not before she heard Hidan call out some window or another, "Good luck, son!"

Kai was dumbfounded for a few moments. What the hell was going on?—Pein just took off like that. And then she was angry. She glared at Pein, a simple task when he carried her bridal-style, but he didn't look at her—he was _much_ too busy looking where he was going. (Which was probably a good thing, but Kai couldn't help being bitter that he almost kidnapped her and now wasn't paying any attention to her.)

She didn't watch where they were going, but she was aware of Pein slowing slightly on account of a steep slope, and for some amount of time that she couldn't keep track of but she would guess was an hour, he continued the climb, until he finally stopped, halfway up the mountain, at a small inset in the rock side, and set her down.

All that time, Kai had been thinking, wondering gruffly what Pein was up to. Hidan was probably in on it, seeing as he wished Pein luck. But if the rest of Akatsuki knew, then probably someone else would have said something—Sasori or Itachi, at least. Tobi would have if he could catch the clue, but obviously, even if he knew, he didn't get it. So, chances were, Hidan was the only one who knew. Kai tried to find a meaning in this.

'_Hidan…_' she formulated, '_Hidan…curses a lot. That probably has nothing to do with it. He's also…a religious nut…so maybe it has something to do with religion? What could he want with me that would have to do with…? Hm…he didn't start worshipping Jashin and suddenly need a sacrifice, did he?_'

Kai turned to look at Pein, who was staring quite directly at her, seeming frustrated in a very hidden way. Frustration didn't seem the emotion of someone about to murder her with torture—glee would have been more fitting, or sorrow if he didn't want to but had to anyway. So he hadn't converted…probably.

"So," Pein began, his voice strained almost imperceptibly. "What do you think of the view?"

Kai only just realized that she'd been staring out over the edge of the thin trail winding up the mountainside, looking at the view of the forest from above without even noticing.

The view was wonderful, magnificent—her current position was almost directly above the piece of the small valley that the house was closest to, and the further border of the basin could be seen in the distance, the deep purple looking not unlike a very large and very distant cardboard backdrop to the green trees below and the small clearing with the small wooden house that she called home. She could clearly see the edge of another clearing as well—this one had a leaning tree laden with white blossoms, and she recognized it even from this distance as the tree in which she shared her first kiss with Pein. She knew that this very fact was the reason she now heard her heartbeat speed up, but the view itself was certainly noteworthy.

However, Kai was slightly bitter about Pein taking her up here so rashly, and so she lied, instead listing facts. "This is where those ninjas from Otogakure took you a year ago. It was as boring then as it is now."

Pein frowned, no longer hiding frustration. He hesitated a moment before wrapping his arms around her—tightly enough to send her breath shooting out of her lungs, over the brink, falling into the valley.

Kai gasped for breath and demanded breathlessly, "What was _that_ for?"

"Well," Pein answered, loosening his grip slightly and moving his head closer to hers, "all the advice I could find suggested a breathtaking view, and this was the only place I could think of, so I _had_ to make sure your breath was taken or it probably wouldn't work as well as I wanted it to…"

Kai stammered before finally challenging, "Advice for _what?_"

Pein inhaled deeply and released Kai such that he spun her as well. Before she could protest, he knelt on one knee and took her hand. "Kai…" he answered, taking her hand in his, "will you marry me?"

Kai spluttered. "I-is that even possible?" she asked incredulously. "We're wanted criminals—don't tell me that we could just…just _waltz_ into town and ask to get married!"

Pein's face fell. "You mean…you don't want me?"

"No!" Kai denied. "It's not that—it's just, seriously, how are we supposed to get married when we're—"

"You don't have any problems with the Church of Jashin, do you?" Pein asked tentatively.

Kai paused, and suddenly wanted to hurt herself for having been so dull as to not think of it earlier. "No, I don't…"

"Good," Pein smiled, holding up her hand, making Kai realize that she'd been so startled and wrapped-up in the moment that she hadn't noticed him replacing her ring—the dull, tarnished nickel of the old ring flashed from Pein's fingers, its place taken by one exactly the same, still bearing the character for "white," but now the metal holding it on her right middle finger was gold-colored. She felt herself blush.

Kai cleared her throat. "So, obviously Hidan-okaasan was in on this—you have plans?"

Pein frowned. "Well…not really…"

Kai grinned. "Then we could get this done even sooner."

-x-


	3. Chapter 3

**A/n:** Okay, so maybe I lied about the one-shot thing. Mostly. This is probably the only continuation there will be. Sorry it's so short.

Do you have any idea how awkward it was when I asked Nii-san what the whole, "We are gathered here today" thing is called so I could Google it? To quote:  
"Dude, you've only been going out with Will for, like, a month."  
(…actually, more like half a month at that point (a month and three days today), but…)  
He thinks I was too insistent on it having been research.

And I really did hack it up when I reallized how sappy the googled result was. Blame the printing company. And notice the irony of a cigarette ad in his bible. Except that never came into play in my world because Hidan never pseudo-died so he obviously didn't piss anyone off, like Shikamaru. (get it yet?)

And I said I'd remind you that this goes better right after the last chapter. Like anyone cares anyway.

NaNoWriMo status: three thousand words behind, with an idea of what happens next but totally uncertain as to how to connect everything. It'd be going better if it wasn't for school, at which point I can't work on NaNo and wind up doodling and being inspired to write random one, or-maybe-two, scratch-that-three, at-this-rate-I-might-as-well-make-it-four -shots of incredible sappiness and rare straightness (and no Akatsuki! What's wrong with me? Which is also ironic.)

;o; I'm sorry! I meant to post this yesterday, but the internet mysteriously died and I was behind on my wordcount so I just dealt with it and didn't lt myself be distracted!

**Reviews are appreciated! **I really like them and miss having lovely reviews in my inbox.

**Disclaimer:** You know it, I'm not even going to bother anymore because I'm too busy—please don't delete my story because I'm short on time.

-x-

"In the words of the great Jashin-sama," Hidan began, wearing a ridiculous pointed hat and naught much else as he read out of his Bible of Jashin, "You two mother fuckers are apparently hopelessly in love with each other, to the point where you are already _beyond_ fucking and now want the whole white-dress-gold-ring-big-party shindig. As the lesser gods would say, you two want to get fucking married. Is this true?"

The tradition for weddings usually involved hand-holding, but both Kai and Pein had both hands firmly clapped around the ears of Shikai the ring-bearer and Haruka the flower-girl. The only others in the room were Akatsuki, the majority of which had decided that they had a stomach flu and remained in bed if they couldn't find another excuse, leaving only Tobi, whose hands were held firmly over Ren's ears; Itachi, who held Tobi's wrists firmly to make sure he didn't go on a "Small children" rage; and Sasori and Deidara, who seemed content to imagine themselves in place of their parents.

"Indeed," Pein and Kai chorused, having been briefed on their responses previously.

"Well, good for you fuckers," Hidan answered, flipping to some other page of his bible. "Ahhh…what's this doing in here?" he demanded, ripping out a page that seemed to advertise cigarettes. "Cheap-ass printing company…" he mumbled. "So…We are gathered here to witness…blah blah blah…Love is a great thing…what the hell? Who wrote this thing? Jashin-sama, you have betrayed me!" he crowed to the sky.

Kai sighed. "Maybe we should skip to the vows."

"Yeah," Pein agreed. They'd agreed to tolerate the entire Jashin wedding ceremony, but by now it seemed too mutilated to continue normally.

"No!" Hidan protested. "I must mourn for the death of Jashin-sama, who obviously cannot be represented with any fucking respect whatsoever by this fucking cheap-ass printing company!"

"I do," Kai answered the unasked question hastily.

Pein hesitated the briefest moment before saying, "I do too. Can we make out now?"

"Fuck no!" Hidan refused.

"Too bad," Pein protested. "I'm the king-leader and I say I can make out with my _wife_." He took Kai closer and their lips met.

"Awww," Tobi sighed. Shikai made a face, Haruka joined Tobi, and Ren glared in the general direction of Pein and Kai. Itachi remained silent as Deidara and Sasori's eye contact continued despite the distraction. They remained so until Deidara was hit in the head with Kai's flower.

-x-

(**A/n:** yeah, that needs explaining: as in Kai threw the freaking flower at the audience like everyone does at weddings and Deidara was freaking oblivious and it went...um...whatver noise flowers make when they hit someone in the head.)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/n:** A bit more serious. Sorry if you don't want depressing. I guess it's not so depressing if you're not so fond of SasoDei.

If anyone's interested in peeking at some non-Akatsuki stuff, I'm posting a Kiba/Hinata/Naruto thing of five or less chapters over this weekend. The first all-straight tale I've written...for the longest time. Well over six months. Or more...yeah, more.

Oh yeah. And I'm taking an OC from someone here (watch as this somehow causes the death of me) for the third installment. Details on my profile.

**_REVIEW! GORRAM IT THIS THING HAS NO FREAKING REVIEWS AND I WANT SOME FEEDBACK!_**

**Time:** a year and a half after DRF II

-x-

Pein could hardly believe what he was seeing, but for the fact that it was before him now—Deidara had his chair scooted as far away from Sasori as possible and was determined to keep a steady conversation with Kai, who sat on his other side, sitting on the edge of his seat so as to avoid anything resembling acceptance of contact with Sasori. Sasori merely stared lifelessly at his plate, his chair neither further nor closer to Deidara.

Deidara and Sasori, generally speaking, spent every waking moment staring at each other lovingly, exchanging meaningful words, arguing playfully about art, and/or in bed doing things that Pein tried not to think about. And yet now Deidara was forcibly ignoring Sasori. This most certainly was a difference—and Pein wished he had the means to figure out what happened.

Tobi cleared his throat. "Kisame-obasan…could you please pass the maple syrup?"

Deidara stopped mid-syllable in his conversation and looked at Tobi with some combination of happiness and distance. Sasori looked up from his plate and stared at Tobi with some non-living expression that sent Tobi into shudders. Kisame did _not_ look up as he passed the maple syrup, until he realized that the statement seemed to have brought up some tension.

Tobi hesitated as well, but resumed to smother his pancakes in syrup, unperturbed after Sasori's stare, except for occasionally glancing up nervously at the puppet.

"Otou-sama," Haruka began, breaking the odd silence, "can I have a tea party with Deidara-neechan and Sasori-niisan today?"

Sasori and Deidara exchanged an alarmed glance, seemingly out of habit before it turned to a hateful glance from Deidara and a hurt expression from Sasori, and they returned to ignoring each other.

"I'm not sure about today," Pein answered, noting how awkward his children were with each other. "Maybe you can find someone else to play with…"

Deidara leapt up, suspiciously eager. "I know _just_ what you can play with, Imouto, un!" He bolted upstairs and returned quickly with some humanoid shape made of wood that dangled from strings that hung from a small wooden cross. Pein felt that he knew enough of Sasori's trade to recognize it as a puppet. "Here, Imouto—you can _have_ this, and _keep_ it—I couldn't care less if I never saw it again, un!" He smiled with such a fierce happiness that it was almost cruel.

Evidently, to Sasori, it _was_ cruel—he closed his eyes and bent his head further over his plate.

"Hey, no fair!" Shikai complained. "How come Haruka-chan gets toys and I _don't_?"

Deidara didn't answer this; he was back in his seat, back to his overly animated conversation with Kai.

Sasori stood slowly, climbed the stairs, and returned, never seeming to have sped up but coming back far too soon to have made any real search, at least at _that_ pace. He turned first to Pein. "Otou-sama," he began flatly, "I don't have any toys to give to Otouto that he would enjoy and that I have not…that I've not given away already. Would you accept me suggesting that he learn some kunai techniques from Itachi-anesan?

Pein hesitated, slightly off-guard by this, before answering, "As long as Itachi-kun is okay with that." He turned his attention to Itachi, who merely nodded.

Sasori smiled. "Then I _do_ have something for you, Otouto," he decided, handing Shikai two shining metal scraps—a kunai knife and a shuriken. "These are very special to me," he told Shikai. "They were given to me by someone who was…no, _still is_," he amended, seeming conscious of how much emphasis he put on these words, "to me. Treat them well, okay?"

Throughout this dialogue, Deidara stared sourly at the scene, and when it ended, he excused himself and charged up the stairs. A door squeaked open and slammed shut.

-x-


	5. Chapter 5

**A/n:** NANOWRIMO equals **PWN'D!!!!1!1one11!!1!!!** :does a dance:

Hey, _hey!_ **_Read my profile!_ and review. Reviews are nice and luffelly.**

OH NO IT'S A DAY LATE! not that anyone was reading it anyway, it seems :rolls eyes: You people had _better_ pay more attention to the last installment.

Fifty points to the house of whoever figures out _what_ Sasori and Deidara had their spat about.

**Disclaimer:** I have never had a relationship that was brought to an awkward phase and then it didn't just _die_ (and my ex-significant-other didn't wind up being called Lunch); this is likely incredibly surrealistic. I mean...really.  
As is the concept of this love triangle (yes, that's what's up with their spat).  
By the way, I don't own anything except Ren, Haruka, and Shikai, and if the cats showed up, and I'm really tempted to try and put a copyright on that whole, "This is one fucked up family" thing...but, otherwise, all credit goes to MK.  
(oh. And "We'll be in our bunk" gets credit from Firefly.)

**Time:** the day after the previous chapter

-x-

The next morning, Pein continued to wonder what on earth was going on between Sasori and Deidara. Today, the tables seemed turned—Sasori seemed to be ignoring Deidara's pleas for attention (of course, Deidara actually _made_ pleas for attention, which might at least partially accounted for the difference in behaviors). Sasori's chair remained in a normal position, but he sat at the farthest edge of his seat and acted as though holding a conversation with Itachi, trying without as much success as he seemed to want to keep the conversation going strong _around_ Tobi, while Deidara inched closer and occasionally made soft calls asking for attention. The only other noise at the table was Shikai, who seemed to have other purposes for Sasori's kunai and shuriken than practice and was now making noises not unlike explosions with his mouth as he had them maneuver around each other in vaguely battle-resembling patterns.

"So," Sasori conversed with an uncharacteristically light tone, "How well is Ren living up to the expectations of Itachi's daughter?"

"She's doing lovely!" Tobi answered, his cheer considerably more abundant and natural than Sasori's. "Yesterday, she learned how to—"

"I was _talking_ to Itachi-anesan," Sasori interrupted coolly.

"…oh," Tobi piped disheartenedly.

"There is nothing wrong with Tobi-kun's answer," Itachi pointed out, the temperature of his voice notably lower than Sasori's.

Sasori sighed. "I'm sorry. I've been a bit…snappy, lately. Everything's been so…" His gaze flickered to Tobi's mask with unrestrained frustration. "…unforeseen," he finished.

"And you feel that you should take this anger at these events out on Tobi-kun?" Itachi pondered.

"I suppose that isn't quite fair…" From his angle, Deidara would never see it, but the puppet's eyes most certainly did flicker to the edge of his vision, almost enough to catch a glance of his blonde sister.

Deidara did, however, seem to catch that the puppet master's determination in ignorance was dwindling. "Danna?" he asked tentatively.

Sasori ran a hair through his perpetually bed-ruffled hair and sighed again before turning to face his (ex?)spouse. "Yes, Dei-chan?"

The name brought a tentative smile to the blonde's face as he said, "I'm sorry, un?" It was more of a question than a statement.

"Your apology," Sasori answered, pausing to consider his answer, "…does not go unheard." Deidara's face lightened. "I shall take it into consideration," he finished, an illustration of pure thoughtfulness spreading across his face. Deidara's expression immediately turned anxious.

"Please listen to me, Sasori-danna," Deidara pleaded. "I really didn't mean it—just once I said it, it was just a random thought that came out of the blue, I don't know how it came into my mind, much less escaped my lips. If you forgive me, I'll never again make any motion vaguely resembling disloyalty—on my father's grave, un. I swear that I'll be—"

Sasori's finger pressed Deidara's lips, his expression now a smile somewhere between cruel, mischievous, and passionate. "I never said how _long_ I'd take to think."

Deidara looked into Sasori's eyes with a sincere question. "Is that a yes?"

"You never asked a yes-or-no question," Sasori evaded, "but I have a feeling that it's what you'd think a 'yes' would be…" His face closed in on Deidara's.

Tobi shrieked something about protecting virgin eyes and rushed to turn Ren around, sending her into full three-sixties before her face was securely pointed away from the kissing couple, a blindfold miraculously procured and being held tight to her eyes while Tobi ordered Itachi to cover Ren's eyes; Haruka sighed, "Awww, that's so sweet," while Shikai made disgusted noises; Kai suggested that her children give her other children some privacy; everyone else around the table became suddenly interested in their food, Pein included.

Sasori seemed to realize the publicity of their location and announced, "We'll be in our bunk." Pein didn't really pay attention to his departure, but was grateful to look up and not see those he considered his eldest son and daughter…acting very unlike a brother and a sister normally would.

What a fucked up family they had, as was said so very often.

-x-

(and so ends DRF2.5)


End file.
